Fear of Others Expectations

​What if you are constantly living in fear? Fear that you will offend someone? Fear that you are not good enough for them? Fear that you are not meeting others expectations?  Living in constant fear keeps us reflexively in Fight or Flight mode, thus keeping our minds focused on either fighting it out or keep running. It is a well known fact that whatever you focus on grows, so it is not in your interests to be focused on running away or fighting it out to the bitter end. What about your true purpose? What about your creativity?

At times you may even choose to hide behind these fears so that you don’t have to live your life as it is purposed.

The external circumstances, our relationships, the events and things outside of us which are out  of our control will not go away or disappear. They are not meant to go away, they are meant to be lived, loved and enjoyed.  Louise Hay in her book  You can heal your life puts it succinctly “It seems all of life is relationships. We have relationships with everything”.

There is deep relationship, especially with people’s expectations of you- as in your work group, your near and dear ones , your friends. Expectations of what is required of you will not reduce, change or go away. However the problem occurs when you constantly come across relationships that make you feel inadequate & small through overbearing expectations.

When you come across such overbearing expectations there are times when you go out of the way, sacrifice your self just to ensure you live upto others expectations so that you don’t offend them. You do things because you are afraid of causing damage to the relationship even though your heart is not into it. When this happens most often the fear that you held within  will get manifested and even with you going overboard to make things happen for others you are left empty and at times made to realize it was worthless. You end up criticising yourself, feeling guilty, feeling low and rejected

The course in miracles puts is nicely “You who believe that sacrifice is love must learn that sacrifice is separation  from love. For sacrifice brings guilt as surely as love brings peace”

So how does one navigate when such events occur and you are hurting and suffering.

What about removing the body from the equation ? This one helps and at times it is the first step to take- walk away. Remove your body  out of this situation by physically walking away. The space it creates allows for introspection and resolution. However there has to be a next step

What about the mind?….. you can remove the body but can you remove the mind from the equation? You cannot remove the mind out of the equation unless you really choose to do so.  You must be aware of this – your thought of having failed to live upto others expectations  might have occurred in the office, at home, with friends etc and it will have followed you in your mind and affect your personal life, your family life and all other events that occur. The emotions of sadness, fear, resentment and frustration are not the fun ones to have. They need to be resolved for creativity and life to flow.

The mind never dies, any unresolved conflict, struggle or resistance the mind creates will need to be resolved now in this life time or through the karmic process.

So the question that begs to be asked is .. So how do we resolve the issue Now in the Mind?  It is sufficiently clear that the resolution has to happen in the mind! The rest will fall in place from there on

Others expectation of you is not your movie– Imagine someone else’s expectation of you as being their own mental movie they are playing. In this instance if they like horror movies and you don’t like them will you willingly join them to watch the horror movie?  Why would you? You can choose not to join their movie. That means you can politely refuse and not feel any guilt about not joining. For this to happen you need to first approve of yourself and love yourself and be assertive to say NO- thank you!

Easier said than done right? For this I would again rely on Louise Hay’s book and the affirmations she has in her book- You can heal your life  “ I love myself” “I approve of myself

Choose the path of happiness always. You choose to continue to be happy irrespective of whether you are meeting or not meeting others expectations.  For instance- if you walk in to buy something at your local shop that shop keeper expects you to buy what he is selling. If he has no expectations he would not be in business right? If you dont buy and walk away do you carry any unresolved  feeling? Not at all. Similarly when someone is trying to sell you their expectations you can choose not to buy and walk away happy.

Choose to be Fearless:- Fearless living starts when you choose to love your self first. If you care enough for yourself then fear might still be there but not rule. And by love for yourself i don’t mean the egoic person  but the essence, mind, spirit.

Choose the present moment – This is the one of the most simplest and the most powerful. Watch your thoughts, observe your breath, look around. Breathe deeply – Become present. Pay attention to your body and the sensations within. When you do this you realize you are just one thought away from being happy or otherwise.

Finally – As you might have realized by now- the real expectations are not what others have from you. It is really your own thoughts about what you think others are wanting, expecting and thinking about you. When you make a journey inwards you will experience a liberation.  The liberation is when you  know, that the friction in life, is  nothing more than a series of thoughts you have created in your own mind.  and are leading a life as though compelled by others. When you change these thoughts to that of love, acceptance , generous giving then the chains that have bound your growth towards abundance will fall away.   life itself will nurture you towards your true purpose

Choose happiness and engage from that clear crisp mind at that moment to resolve the issue…
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Let me and others hear what you have to say about this, hit reply to post your comment .. Happy living J